China woman fights with husband over child taking her surname, triggers fierce debate online, attracts 44 million views
- Before wedding all agree on wife’s name for child, minds change after birth
- More Chinese women enjoy independence, taking mother’s name increases
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The story of a married couple in China whose relationship hit the rocks after their child was given the mother’s surname has gone viral on mainland social media.
The husband and wife, from Sichuan province in southwestern China, had been arguing about the name of their first son since he was born in August 2023.
Constant wrangling has brought them to the brink of divorce, Toutiao News reported.
The 27-year-old wife, Xiangjia, said she did not have a particularly strong desire for their son to take her surname, but her mother who insisted on carrying on the family line demanded it.
Before Xiangjia married more than three years ago, both families had agreed to use her family name for their first child regardless of gender.
As soon as her son was born, she put the name on his birth certificate. Since then, the relationship with her 34-year-old husband has been fraught.
“When will you change our son’s surname?” he would ask her repeatedly in their many quarrels. “Children all over the world use their fathers’ surnames, so why do you not follow the rule?”
Xiangjia pointed out that using his name was not mandatory because both of them shared the right. He told her it upset him every time doctors called their son’s name.
“It tears my heart every time,” he said.
With tensions increasing, Xiangjia suggested divorce and child custody. Her husband’s response was: “The house, car, and son are mine, so you leave them alone.”
Xiangjia had to go into the hospital for surgery and when she came home she discovered her mother-in-law had renamed her son. From then on, her husband called their son by his new name.
It is unclear whether the couple have separated, but Xiangjia said she was disappointed.
“Neither my husband nor I want to talk about it any more. I feel tired,” she said.
At the time of writing, the Weibo news story had attracted 44 million views and 8,750 comments, with many online observers in favour of taking the mother’s surname.
“What year does her husband think he is living in? Can’t she use her surname for the son she gave birth to?” one person asked.
“What is the problem with men respecting women’s wishes on child rearing?” said another.
As more women in China enjoy independence and higher status, the practice of children taking their mother’s surname has increased.
According to the Ministry of Public Security’s annual report on names, 7.7 per cent of newborns in 2020 took the maternal last name. In certain major cities, such as Shanghai, it was 8.8 per cent.
In May 2023, a woman in eastern China told her boyfriend she would pay the bulk of their wedding bill and that she wanted two children, one of whom must take her surname.
In the same month in 2020, mainland internet celebrity Papi Sauce gave her father’s surname to her newborn son.
