Experts believe there is nothing wrong with sibling rivalry, and that it can be healthy because it is a natural way for young children to express themselves. Children have no tact because they have not yet learned how to apply their conflict resolution skills, something which tends to come with age.

Christine Deschemin, a certified hypnotherapist and founder of the Hong Kong-based Renewed Edge Hypnotherapy Centre, says conflicts happen when siblings compete for their parents’ attention or for a family resource, like an object.

“You can give them a chance to find a solution themselves as much as possible,” she says. “It’s important to treat every conflict as a learning opportunity for them. You can invite them to express their feelings and have the other party empathise. You can also encourage them to view the situation through their sibling’s eyes.

“You can coach them to state the problem and find a solution; or work out a solution with them together. This is also a good time to help them practise brainstorming. If they are too young to express their emotions, help them do it and encourage them to be specific.”

Very often prevention is better than cure, and Deschemin has some advice on how to avoid conflicts between siblings in the first place.

“Set ground rules; children need to understand what’s acceptable and what’s not. When these ground rules are consistently obeyed, you can give praise and encouragement whenever the siblings are exhibiting the right behaviours; positive reinforcement can go a long way in strengthening cooperative behaviours.

“Consistency is key; you have to keep enforcing the same rules. You can also model good behaviour when you deal with conflicts because children learn more from what you do rather than what you say,” she says.

Deschemin says parents should pay attention to their own actions and behaviours that might trigger or exacerbate sibling rivalry, such as making comparisons, paying more attention to one child or playing favourites.

Another good preventive tactic is being able to anticipate problems before they flare up. “Find out the main cause of the conflicts. If they tend to bicker because of space, give each one of them space.”

She also offers one handy tip: create a “solutions jar”. “During your family brainstorming session, if your child finds solutions to a conflict, have them write these solutions down on paper and put them in a jar. This way, they can go back to the jar any time they need ideas.”

There are many ways to reduce tension by creating a more harmonious setting at home, Deschemin says.

“Respect the needs of each person and remember everyone is different; children of different ages cannot be equal,” she says.

There are other things to bear in mind: avoid using labels on children; ensure that each child has their own space as much as practicable; encourage teamwork; devote time to one-on-one interactions with each child; and hold family meetings on a weekly basis.

“Set time for yourself to recharge your own batteries. And at the beginning of the day, tell yourself to think positively. You can visualise positive outcomes and focus on being positive because being in this kind of mindset makes a difference when a conflict happens later,” she says.

“Be kind to yourself and understand that conflicts between your children are an integral part of them growing up. Learning to help them manage conflicts might not come naturally to you, but tell yourself that you can become better at it.”

Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post